From the beginning, when we were kids, we learned to form friendships. We never really knew about loyalty and trustworthiness. As we mature, we learn, through our own experiences, to be a true FRIEND. Some, I might add, never really learn how to recognize their true friends. I've had horrible experiences wherein my loyalty was doubted and my friendship taken for granted...

   I believe that being a true friend means honesty and being there for that person no matter what, even if they are going through hard times. I am now 32 and in my years, I have had 2 persons whom i considered friends, turn their backs on me. Don't get me wrong, my life DOES go on, cause' I'm strong-that's a given. But the hurt that accompanies being let down by someone is immense and hurtful. We can all have our relationships and be in love, but our friends are the ones who will listen and go that extra mile, just when u think all of your resources are gone. I guess my nature is fiercely loyal and there are soo many who just can't seem to be that way. What do we do when we no longer have trust? What do we do when we no longer let anyone get inside their world on a personal level? It can be for love relationships or just platonic relationships...What we do is KEEP our heads up and continue to move on, push forward and know that it was an HONOR for them...for persons such as I, to have been friends. Our kind, leaves a touch of glitter

         on their hearts....words can't explain the deep anger, or shall i say, unrest...yah that's a better word, that it causes deep inside  when you feel you have been judged wrongly, or simply taken advantage of. If any of those two persons ever come upon this blog, you know who u are, and I must say, It's amazing how some people take advantage of certain situations and use it to their own advantage and totally be dis-loyal...but to me, I had nothing to gain..but I had something to lose..and that was a friend. So either way, would it have mattered? had I made a different choice back then, would you turn your back on me anyway? I think so. But who wins? I win. I win, because through it all, I was the truthful one and the one who refused to betray you. Tell me, where, in this lifetime will you find that?

Had I this would be Had I known I would feel Had I know I would cry Had I known I would die Had I known I would live again Had I known I would see the Sun Shine... If only that party of You knew how much my sould has wept.... Only to keep my pain so silent and soft... Could you hear it? Can you hear my souls cry? Out and over the ocean it wept The cold wind blowing its howling Sound into the dark deep waters... I have been crushed a million of times... I have even died billions of times Unbelievable how many times I could do this How many times can I feel this way...yet Keep going on. Such anguish inside Who said I wanted it to be so gray Who determined my heart's desires? Haven't you seen me? I know you see my spirit float across the mist. Felt my breath against you ear... Had I known I would suffer in such emotional pain to have the greatest gift of all in my life Would I have died a billions times? Had I known.. Yes

Well, it's hump day...two more days to go till the weekend...i soo feel like doing something xtra fun this weekend...i do have a bunch of plans..but i feel like there should be more....hummmm...

These butterflies....they are everywhere.

I wish i could calm them

instead they are calming me.

calming me into feeling so excited when i see u...

I have to admit.

It feels good. So good that i want it to last forever.

Just like waking up at 1 in the morning...

Only to hear that it's raining outside-

and You....you are besides me.

Where was i again? Oh...yeah....the butterflies....

they are fluttering around like a million particles...

It's raining outside....

butterflies.....please

don't go away.